What's the worst that could happen?

MALAWI

2006-09-13T23:31:00.000Z

It’s time for a mammoth entry on Malawi. I want to share honestly about how this experience has changed me and make you aware of the issues surrounding the Malawian people who are in such desperate need, to enable you to pray more effectively.

For anyone who doesn't already know, a group of 16 students from Cardiff University Christian Union ventured out to Malawi, in south-east Africa. Never before had a CU sent out a mission team and I hope that this will inspire other CUs to do the same.

This mission trip was a truly life changing experience -it has made me rethink so many areas of my life and learn to depend on God more fully. Meeting Malawian people was so humbling and made me realise how selfish I really am. I was so caught up in my own little world that I didn't stop to think about what God is doing in the rest of the world. Philippians 1 v6 says: 'being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Christ Jesus' and I believe that God has been using this experience to make us more like Jesus.

Seeing a completely different culture was fascinating. Malawian people are so much more enthusiastic about everything than Brits, which was really refreshing to see. Everywhere we went, people stopped and stared at the strange white people, then waved to us as we passed by. Within the villages, the people support one another; these are loving communities that share what they have and work together to make sure everyone has enough.

Photos above: 1. Women pumping water at Mwebe's village; 2. A Malawian village

The generosity displayed by the people we visited was astounding; they are much more generous than they can afford to be. Like the Bible story of the woman who gave her all with just a few coins, it means so much more for these people to give when they already have nothing. They welcomed us to their villages and fed all of us with their best, although this was often just cabbage and nsema (bland flour dough), with the occasional treat of goat meat.

What I consider problems in my life, like running out of money through lack of a job or not knowing what to do in the future are like tiny pins in the bottom of your shoe compared with the problems encountered by many Malawians. It was incredible to see the faith in God that some of these people have and how God has been faithful to them. We led worship at City Pentecostal Church in Blantyre and it was awe-inspiring to see Malawian christians singing praise to God. They love Jesus! Their faces showed the passion they have for the Lord, and it was a joy to see, though extremely humbling.

During our trip, we were able to visit several orphanages. Bangula orphanage is owned by a christian couple from the US who have adopted each of the orphans, now totalling over 100 (with around 20 babies). They dropped everything in the US to come to Malawi and have built the orphanage from scratch. It was extremely humbling to hear how they did this and how they depend on God day-by-day for every provision. In the 'could we get it more wrong' land of plenty otherwise known as the UK, we have no idea what real hardship is and we (myself included) have a despicable lack of dependence on our creator and provider.

We stayed at Bangula orphanage for 2 days. This was the toughest part of the trip for me due to excessive heat, dust everywhere with nowhere to wash, not-so-pleasant food and sleep deprivation from loud goats/cockerels/crickets, but it was also one of the best and most memorable. We taught the children Bible stories such as Zacchaeus and the prodigal son, explaining how they relate to the gospel, and they listened intently. The worship sessions were tremendous - never have I seen children so excited! 'Hey Lord' rapidly became the theme song of our trip, and we also learnt a song in Chichewa, entitled 'Palibe ofana ndi Yesu', which means 'there's no one, there's no one like Jesus'. Our free time at the orphanage was spent chatting with the children and playing games with them and we also split into pairs/threes to lead classes and made paper birds, which the children loved.

We also visited an orphanage run by a Malawian named Mbewe, who has a real heart for God. We taught the children and played games with them. It was a joy to see the enthusiasm of the children and I feel that God has given me a heart to continue to pray for the orphans in Malawi.

Photos above: 1. Simon finds a friend at Bangula; 2. Me with some Bangula orphans 3. Ian, Gibbons and Vickrum share the British tradition of 'photo pointing'. 4. Gillyweed learns how to spell; 5. Kids bombard the pickup

Unforeseen opportunities presented themselves in abundance -it was incredible to see God working in ways that we didn't expect. For example, when we stopped for drinks on the journey to Bangula, a huge crowd of Malawians surrounded us. The perfect opportunity presented itself to minister to these people, so we sang and played (from the pickup) and told them the gospel.

We spent a significant amount of our free time learning a typical Malawian game called Bao (pictured below) - come and play at Cosmeston Street, or play it online here.

Whilst in such a truly stunning country, we were able to fully appreciate the beauty of creation and praise God as we gazed upon the work of His hands. We saw numerous magnificent sunsets (at 5.30pm every day) and hundreds of stars, free from the usual light pollution of UK cities. We awoke at 5.15am to see the dawn over Lake Malawi -an impressive sight, lasting just a few minutes. It was a joy to see the huge variety of creatures on safari, on a river cruise and all around us, many of which we had never seen before. Malawi, though parched through lack of rain, dusty and infertile, has a beauty that is captivating.

Photos above: 1. Berni meets her long-lost relatives (don't tell her I said that!) ; 2. The sunset on safari at Mvuu; 3. Dawn at Lake Malawi; 4. The stunning view from Fisherman's rest.

Before we left the UK, I prayed that the team would bond well together, but to be perfectly honest I didn't really have much faith in that actually happening. In my experience, there are always cliques within a group this size and almost always some sort of disagreement. However, the team gelled like I have never seen before, we loved and supported one another through every experience. Even driving around in a dusty, bumpy pickup was made a joy by the presence of these people. They have all become my best friends, people who I feel I can share anything with, and it is encouraging to know the support and prayer that is continuing now that we have returned to the UK. It was also amazing how people were so willing to take the lead, far out of their comfort zones and how we all pulled together in such unfamiliar situations.

Photos above: 1. Team 2 at Nsanje village (Mozambique behind us); 2. Hospital visit; 3. Half of the team pile into the back of the pickup to return from Bangula; 4. Team members enjoy the sunset at Fisherman's rest.

Poverty and disease are rife in Malawi -it is among the 10 poorest countries in the world. We were able to see this close-up when we visited a hospital in Blantyre. It is run by a British christian professor, who is doing the best he can with the limited funds and equipment that the hospital has, but sadly the conditions are far from sufficient. We saw patients in awful conditions; one example that I cannot forget is that of a man who was lying on the floor in the corridor, badly malnourished, and surrounded by his own excrement. This man was a prisoner who had become ill in prison, been sent to hospital, and was attempting to remain ill for as long as possible, to avoid returning there. This says a lot about the state of Malawian prisons; we visited Chichiri prison later that day, which I will describe later. We saw the fortunate patients who can afford to pay for hospital treatment and are able to travel to the hospital. Sadly, there are many others that do not have this option, often dying of tuberculosis or AIDS without the medication that could prolong or save their lives.

Photos above: 1. The men's ward; 2. A prisoner lying in the corridor; 3. Patients wait for medical attention; 4. A newborn baby -based on the average life expectancy in Malawi, this child will only reach 37 years.

Visiting Chichiri prison was at first slightly unnerving. We entered a large courtyard and were taken to one corner in which we unpacked our musical instruments, ready to begin ministering to the prisoners. We were then surrounded by about 500 male prisoners, with just one guard to control them (I believe he was unarmed; I think we all started to silently pray). Then, we began to sing and play to them and the fear subsided into joy, as we observed the prisoners joining in with dancing and clapping. They also sang to us with their choir; some of the big butch prisoners sang unnaturally high!

Sam, with translation, told them the gospel and began the sinner's prayer, asking them only to repeat it if they really believed and meant what they were saying. At that point (and earlier that day), I prayed that at least one person there would be saved that day. When I saw and heard how many prisoners said the prayer (about half of them!), many falling to their knees, I was at first pleasantly surprised and then convicted of my faithless prayers. God can do more than we can ask or imagine, but at many times, I have virtually ignored that and prayed 'safe' prayers, that lack real faith and substance; I hope this experience will change my attitude to prayer.

Our team was probably the first white group to visit Chichiri prison. There are around 2000 prisoners, but only about a quarter were allowed to see us, possibly due to the inability to physically move because of malnourishment and disease. The conditions are atrocious, with approximately 2.5 prisoners per square metre in cells - something they didn't want us to see during our visit. The Malawi prison system is corrupt - the guards eat or sell the food that is designated for the prisoners, they demand bribes, and any money supplied to the prison often never reaches it. The judicial system is also tremendously unjust, lacking an 'innocent until proven guilty' policy, which results in the imprisonment of crime suspects, with no hope of bail. Many prisoners are forgotten about and left to rot in prison due to lack of family members or loss of documents. In Chichiri, several of the prisoners are christians; one man called Moses asked me to remember him in my prayers. Please pray that the prison system in Malawi would change. To learn more, click here.

Want to know how you can help?

Pray! God answers -we've seen it through this entire trip. Do not feel that by praying, your contribution is not significant (as I sometimes do), but know that it pleases the Lord to hear and answer the cries of his children. You could also get in touch with the people out there (some have email) to encourage them and let them know that you are praying for them - just ask Sam Orr for their details.

Give generously - these people who have nothing are putting us to shame in their giving. The orphanages, hospital and villages are all in desperate need -your giving could be the answer to their prayers. You can send a cheque in the post to most of the places. Let me know if you would like to give to any of the areas mentioned and I will give you details of where to send the money.

Go there! If you feel that God is calling you to the mission field, even in the short term, JUST GO! Don’t use the excuses of lack of funds, time or experience –God will provide all of these.

Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement for this trip -none of this could have happened without it! If you would like to view the hundreds of additional photos from the trip, visit Bubbleshare.

Beckrum at the park

2006-08-11T15:25:00.000Z

Just about to leave for a Malawi mission team training weekend, so no time to write anything, although the photos below should entertain you until I find the time to write another entry.

Call Centre Chaos

2006-08-03T21:33:00.000Z

After an eventful week at the Sky Broadband call centre, Beckrum, Alison and I have decided to share some of the valuable lessons we have learnt during our 3-week tenure:

1. Expect the unexpected

After Alison's introductory speech ("Good afternoon, this is Alison calling from Sky Television..."), without warning, the woman on the end of the line erupted into a shrill and constant scream, making Alison jump and begin a frenzied search for the 'release line' button.

When I asked for Mrs Whittaker, the gruff male voice on the end of the line replied, "yes, that's me". Bemused, I continued, thinking that somehow this could be possible, and began my usual spiel about Sky Broadband. It wasn't until I'd finished this lengthy monologue that the man began to laugh and passed the phone over to his wife.

Other amusing examples include people answering the telephone by saying "hello, I don't speak any English" and others asking whether they need a computer to get broadband.

2. Never talk about someone while they may still be listening

After a long telephone conversation and final goodbye, I turned to Beckrum and couldn't resist describing the hilarity of hearing the entire life story of the guy to whom I'd just been speaking, when I'd simply asked "would you like to register your interest in Sky Broadband?". Suddenly, with a lurch in my stomach, I heard the word "hello?" in my headset and realised that the line was still connected! After apologising profusely, I once again said goodbye to the man and went to hide.

3. Always check the name of the person you are calling

At the start of each call, the details of the person we are currently calling are displayed on our screens, and we read their surname and ask for the person concerned. However, when Beckrum called a number and asked for Mrs Windsor, the lady replied "Mrs Windsor? I'm not the queen!". At that point, Beckrum realised that she had accidently read out the name of the town in which the woman lived, and her real name was actually Mrs Barber.

4. Under no circumstances, laugh just before calling someone

My manager, Tom, has a great sense of humour and he began joking around while I was waiting for a call. In hysterics, I suddenly realised my call had come through and I had to start speaking immediately. Tom also noticed and began pulling faces at me and laughing, which did not help relieve my already gigglesome state. I began to speak and realised I could only achieve a stutter, which became progressively more high pitched, until I erupted into tumultous laughter. Sian, another manager started shouting: "put her on mute! put her on mute!"

On a completely different note, Beckrum has just purchased a sophisticated piece of equipment for her bayside activities...

Gabalfa wedding season

2006-07-22T21:50:00.000Z

It has reached the time of year when weddings are held virtually every week (at my church anyway), and I had the privilege of attending Dan and Sarah's wedding on Saturday. It was an amazing day: Sarah looked stunning and Dan said it was the happiest day of his life.

Gabalfa has now acquired a reputation as the church to attend to find a husband/wife. I discovered the reason for this wedding trend on Saturday:

A sweet old lady at Gabalfa (named Josie) approached me at the wedding and said "I am praying that all of the men in Gabalfa will find wives and all of the ladies will find husbands (that includes you)". At last, we have an explanation! So, if you are single and looking, why not pop down to our church on Sunday, or simply give us your details and we will pass them on to Josie, who I'm sure would be happy to add a few names to her prayer list! However, the wedding count may tail-off for a few years, since the bouquet was caught by 7-year-old Naomi-Joy (but luckily, we're not superstitious).

It is always awkward trying to find a nice wedding outfit, but this time I thought I'd done pretty well. That was until Naomi-Joy (the 7-year-old mentioned above) informed me that the colours I was wearing did not match - maybe she should take me shopping next time!

Wedding photos can probably be found on Beckrum's blog, but I couldn't resist posting a photo of what Beckrum deemed the funniest moment at the wedding (although I'm still not quite sure why).

Beckrum was attacked by a mingle:

At last: A job… and an update!

2006-07-18T18:53:00.000Z

There is no excuse for the fact that my blog has endured a ‘despicable lack of posting’ (first expressed by Carol, 2006) over the past few months. Finally, I return to the world of amusing anecdotes and housemate humiliation (a.k.a. blogging).

Both Beckrum and I have now entered the somewhat daunting world of work. It may not be the most glamorous, rewarding or worthwhile job in Cardiff, but it pays. We (Beckrum, Alison and I) are working at a call centre for Sky Broadband, in which we answer calls from people who are interested and type in their details. Training was yesterday, which mostly involved a lot of waiting and a lecture and quiz on ‘what is broadband?’ (9/10 says I know more than Beckrum ;)). Today was our first day answering the phones, which unfortunately involved a lot of waiting and a distinct lack of actual calls. Resulting from my 5 hour shift, I received a total of 0.0 calls, whilst Beckrum received 2 calls in her 10 hour shift. To help speed the influx, they even offered champagne to the first person to receive a call, but unfortunately I had to leave before I saw who it was (I’m not a champagne fan anyway).

Did I say something funny?

2006-05-06T10:57:00.000Z

Have you ever said something that was not intended to be funny, yet the entire room erupted in thunderous laughter? Yesterday, in a body-related discussion (do I need to clarify?), I happened to utter: ‘it got stuck – in the space you can’t describe’. Why this caused the 3 Cosmestonites to laugh the hardest I have seen in the three years I’ve been lucky/unlucky (delete as appropriate) to know them remains a mystery; it is somewhat unsettling when you don’t even ‘get’ your own joke. I will give 10 points to the first person who can correctly identify the indescribable ‘space’ to which I was referring.

Finally, an update on the swede:

Aptly placed for optimum viewing above our television, our Valentine gift remains dear to our hearts. Although he has now shrunk to approximately half his original size and acquired numerous wrinkles, we still love him like the day he was born (or dug up). In a previous statement I declared that we would ‘wait until he was repulsively mouldy, at which point we would return him to his original owner’. The perfect opportunity presented itself just over a week ago, when his ‘daddy’ (for lack of a better word) was having a birthday barbecue. Someone (who will remain anonymous, for protection) suggested we toast him (the swede, not Ian) on the barbecue and feast on the rare delights of flame-grilled several-month-old swede. Alas, we could not bring ourselves to sacrifice what has become our pride and joy, and he remains a viewing spectacle in the Cosmeston residence. Long live the shrunken head of Rheged!

Above: Rheged as he is today

Safety first

2006-04-18T12:15:00.000Z

It is astonishing, the growing amount of regulations that are put in place to make living as safe as possible. Amusingly, these rules can sometimes go too far. Below are some real examples that I read in The Times.

1. Paper napkins that were handed out with meals-on-wheels have now been banned due to fears that pensioners might choke on them.

2. After a woman caught her foot in a revolving door at the BBC, they sent out an email to their staff entitled: ‘Revolving Security Door user Instructions’, explaining how to use a revolving door.

3. Police were called to investigate a broken stained glass window, but refused to inspect the damage because they did not have specialist ‘ladder training’.

4. 20 horse chestnut trees will be cut down in Norwich because of the risk of passers-by receiving head injuries from falling sticks that children threw up to knock down conkers.

5. This week, a man was ordered off a Cardiff bus because he was carrying a tin of paint.

Word Alive Highlights!

2006-04-09T15:23:00.000Z

This week a group of us from CU went to the student version of Spring Harvest, held in sunny Skeggy. We had an amazing time and were really blessed by the teaching of God’s word and the fellowship we had together. The biblical teaching was very helpful; in particular I enjoyed the thematic bible overviews led by Graham Bynon (is that his name?), which were centred around belonging and what we should be longing for whilst on this earth. He was very engaging and easy to listen to, yet challenging. Besides these overviews, we looked closely at Colossians during the evening meetings, which really made me think. I also learnt lots of new songs at the workshops, some with powerful words.

The food for the week was delicious –each flat shared with another for cooking and we ate together. Well done to Jamie and Janet for organising it all. The best part was eating Irish stew with the whole group – Janet has shared a little bit of Ireland with all of us!

Unfortunately, Laura Foster forgot her swimming costume but desperately wanted to swim. Luckily, Jamie and Simon were taking a trip to Tesco and were able to buy one on her behalf. She endeavoured to explain to Jamie over the phone that she wanted nothing loud, pink, flowery, high-legged, padded, underwired, strapless, frilly, striped or low-cut, whilst the rest of us tried to stifle our laughter.

After several hours of beach wrestling and the building of human pyramids, we visited the free funfair. The simulator was thrilling, yet somewhat rough, and accompanied by screams from the green-tinged faces of Matt Bater and Sarah Holland. Another amusing experience was driving the dodgems; my bumping skills hit new heights when I almost knocked Becca Conway out of her car. It wasn’t until we exited the ride that I realised that bumping was not permitted (isn’t bumping the whole point of the dodgems? –apparently not).

Matt’s hair has been getting a little wild lately, so we decided it was time for a makeover. We began by straightening his hair, then Simon and Dave attacked it with Spongebob’s hair wax, making him look like a mad scientist - watch out for the photos that will soon be appearing on the fan club website!

We had to arrive 30 mins before the start of each evening meeting to get a good seat, but endeavoured to make the most of the queuing time. Firstly, the now legendary game (of unknown name) in which the group holds hands randomly, then tries to untangle the ‘knot’ of people became an instant hit as a time-killer for queuing. Secondly, Pete, Caleb and I found it rather entertaining (and I’m sure the people around us also enjoyed watching) to sing and mime the actions to the Sunday school songs of our childhood, reflecting on several decades of quality Christian sing-alongs.

The journey home included both good and bad aspects:

Bad: It took 7 hours in the minibus, most people were asleep for a high percentage of the journey and with one swift jolt we managed to kill a poor unsuspecting pheasant.

Good: Although most of the people around me were asleep (hopefully excluding Simon, the driver), I discovered the joy of the walkie-talkie. The other car (i.e. Beckrum, Vickrum and Ian) possessed the second handset, so with glee I began to converse. We ventured into the unique world of ‘would you rathers’, including the choice between having a bum for a face yourself, or for the rest of the world to have bums for faces. Ian altruistically stated that he would rather have a bum for a face and declared that Roger Carswell would probably not approve of this lavatorial humour (in reference to a previous sermon).
Ian also began to make people’s names into anagrams and I was intrigued to learn that my name is an anagram of ‘when will hee learn?’ whilst Simon Ewing can be rearranged into: ‘gnome wins’.

Photos of the week will be coming soon.

Trapped!

2006-03-21T16:59:00.000Z

I have recently found myself stuck in numerous tight spots. This week’s challenge is not to suggest the worst that could happen, but to identify the fictitious scenario from the group below:

1. Requiring Revolution

After the usual entertainment of a CU meeting, I waved goodbye to my fellow fellows and headed towards the exit of the Julian Hodge building. Knowing that I was now alone, I decided to discover the hidden joy of testing the revolving doors to see the maximum speed they could manage. To my delight, the doors made a fairly high speed, up until I suddenly heard a ‘clunk’ and they ground to a halt. Unfortunately, I now found myself trapped inside the revolving door, with a dead phone and the knowledge that no one would return until the next morning.

2. Locked Library

A friend and I were working hard in a secluded room of the Bute library when we got a little distracted and happily chatted away for several hours. Just as we were getting rather hungry, we decided it was time to give up with ‘working’ and head home. To my surprise, the corridor was dark and the first door I tried was locked. At that point I didn’t foresee any problems, since there were at least another 3 doors to try before it was time to panic. After trying these doors and finding each of them locked, we frantically began to knock on the door, in a desperate attempt to attract someone’s attention. With no luck, I remembered that I had my mobile with me and chose to phone Vickrum to await instructions. Thankfully, she answered and attempted to contact the security guards. Unfortunately, as they are used to dealing with student pranksters, they were disinclined to acquiesce to our request of rescue.

3. Vexatious Vacuum

To remove the lingering smell of garlic produced from my MRSA experiments, I began to use a fume cupboard i.e. a separated area with a fan that sucks in air from outside, thus removing any smells. I was pipetting away to my heart’s content, whilst shut in the small fume room, when I began to feel slightly dizzy. The dizziness progressed and I decided it was time to leave for some fresh air. I began to pull on the door, but it wouldn’t open (had someone locked me in?). I tried the other door, which also wouldn’t open –it felt as though someone was holding the door closed from the other side! It was then that I saw the sign: ‘when using the fan make sure you prop one door open, since the lack of vents in this room creates a vacuum’. I was trapped in a partial vacuum!

Sharing my gloom

2006-03-15T20:49:00.000Z

I apologise in advance for this less than entertaining entry.

Stats for the day:

Time spent in lab: 7 ½ hours
Time spent in lectures: 1 hr 40 mins

Total time wasted: 8 ½ hours

Worst part of the day: My floppy disk, the only evidence of 2 days’ hard work decided to un-format itself, thus deleting everything.

Current mood expressed in colour form: grey

Best part of the day: Has not yet happened, but I’m sure it’s coming soon!

I’m just glad there’s a God who understands.

What makes a good blog entry?

2006-03-08T16:07:00.000Z

While reading the blogs of various other time-wasters I began to ponder: what makes a good blog entry? Does it have to be random, funny or thought provoking to catch our attention? Does it have to have embarrassing pictures of housemates? (no, 3 Cosmestons!). Or perhaps a poll, quiz or interactive game 'does it for you' (you have ruined that phrase for me, Vickrum). Also, if lots of comments are made, does this indicate a good entry?

I’ve decided to make it my aim to make this the best ever entry by including as many of the things I mentioned above as possible (it will be down to you for the comments!).

Random:

Funny Pictures at FunnyJunk.com

Funny:

Mean old people

Thought provoking:

If insects are so obsessed with bright lights, why don’t they fly off to the sun?
If you think you’re a hypochondriac, then are you one or not?
If Pinocchio said, “My nose is about to grow”, what would happen?

(didn’t they get you thinking?)

Embarrassing housemate photo:

Poll:

Quiz:

How similar to Smellon are you?

Ice and Islam (sorry, I just love alliteration!)

2006-03-06T13:12:00.000Z

The final of ‘Dancing on Ice’ aired this Saturday. We watched with anticipation as the finalists flew high above the ice, disregarding the title of ‘Dancing on ice’ (but no one else seemed to notice that). I wasn’t particularly bothered about who should win (so am not sure why I’m writing a blog entry on this), since my favourites were voted out weeks ago (probably because I didn’t waste 50p on voting for them). The Arran St girls decided it would be funny to send us a phone message 10 seconds before the winner was announced, but luckily it arrived too late (may still be a cause for revenge though).

This week is ‘Islamic Awareness Week’ and today I was given a booklet explaining the Muslim faith which made an interesting read. Muslims claim that Jesus was a prophet, sent by God, but they believe that virtually nothing he said was true, or was inaccurately translated. They also believe that Jesus didn’t die, but that someone who looked remarkably like him took his place. For some reason, I’m not convinced. They also gave me a bookmark with ‘Islamic Awareness Week’ written on it, which is great because I really need a new bookmark for my bible.

Garlic and swede

2006-02-28T12:26:00.000Z

For those of you who don’t know, my final year project is based on the effect of a constituent of garlic (diallyl disulphide) on MRSA. Unfortunately, this is the compound that produces the distinct smell of garlic, which I am using at high purity (so a lot stronger). The pungent smell has filled the corridor and lingers for days after use (my nickname of Smellon is quite accurate in this case). The compound I have to use is so strong that it melts plastic, making my plastic well-plate experiments a complete disaster, and spreading the substance over everything. My supervisor is convinced that it is ‘good for you’ even though it says ‘harmful’ on the bottle and gives me a headache whenever I use it. Ah well, it’s all part of the fun of lab work and anyway, what’s the worst that could happen?

Oh yes, and not forgetting, I have breaking news on our swede Valentine. It was Ian. The (then) Co-president has been lying to us all along. I actually spent a significant chunk of an evening discussing my list of suspects with him, while he suggested people that I hadn’t yet considered. He always made me feel bad whenever I accused him by appearing upset that I couldn’t trust him, but now I see that it was just a ploy to throw me off the right track. We haven’t eaten the swede, but have decided to keep it for a few months until it is repulsively mouldy at which point we will unappreciatively return his ‘gift’.

The paragraph-completing craze

2006-02-22T14:46:00.000Z

Initiated by Caleb, this really is the new craze to hit the blogging world. Try it yourself! Just change the words in bold to create your own story.

I've found out that Caleb is going to be on the CU committee in the role of furry mascot, and since the committee is only composed of the hairiest CU members this means that I can take a role like that of naked mole rat to chinchilla. So I'll be whispering sweet nothings to Matt Bater, and when his future mother-in-law comes to speak to him, I'll be there saying "because I can" when Matt asks "why do you plague me so?"

Since I'm the best ever fan club president, this means I'll be able to stalk Matt Bater without having to do any of the hard work of actually doing it or getting arrested. Unfortunately, it means I'll sometimes have a huge volume of hate mail in my Matt-decorated bedroom for various unspecified reasons. Ah well, every Bater fan has her comeuppance.

Just like Mafia

2006-02-18T16:55:00.000Z

Mafia is one of my favourite group games – I love to figure out who the killers might be and who is lying to me. In parallel to that exciting game comes a new, equally enthralling variety: who is our swede Valentine? The past few days have been filled with the fun of attempting to uncover the truth (read the last blog entry for details), but so far research has been somewhat unfruitful.

Potential suspects (in order of initial suspicion):

1. Dave Corkish –the original prime suspect: his web alias and mobile number were a bit of a giveaway. However, it is almost never the prime suspect that did it (read any crime novel) and he claims he was ill in bed at the time of the incident.

2. Ian: The clear second-choice. He has been sending me numerous text messages suggesting possible suspects, stirring things up a bit. I’m aware that he has some information, but has apparently been ‘sworn to secrecy’. He can also lie very well.

3. Tom (another 14 Cwmdare resident) –it just seems like something a Cwmdare guy would do, because you would have to know Dave’s alias and his phone number. Therefore, Tom could be involved.

4. Jamie (Spongebob) and Bov - this pair make a cunning team: Also, Jamie was out late the night before and we know that the ‘gift’ appeared very early in the morning.

5. Katie Elias – Can you trust a welsh person? (only joking!). She can be a little crazy sometimes and would be up for any practical joke (including last year’s illegal example).

6. Caleb (plus housemates): The beard says it all: this guy is a potential practical joker. His love for literature may have sparked a desire to share his creative skills in the form of the exquisite poetry accompanying the gifts.

7. Becky Lamb – not only does she have that ‘guilty look’ and her dodgy-looking sister (sorry, but that’s what comes from being a Becky look-alike) was around at that time, but she was also involved in an illegal Valentine’s incident last year. However, she fervently denied any involvement.

8. Lav (Heather Dunscombe): A little bird told me that Becky Lamb and Lav know something. Maybe it’s not them; they just know who it is. Either way, they’re not talking.

9. Dayo – “Is it cos I’s black?” No Dayo, but you may be involved: you also seem very interested in who the suspects are.

10. Matt Bater: The guy we all know and love could have sought his revenge (you can guess why). I still think he’s blameless – he’s too innocent a guy to concoct such a cunning plan.

11. Alison Joy Young –she has the potential, but she was away in some distant part of the country and unless she had some cohorts here, it is doubtful she was involved.

12. Stephen Tilson – probably not, he’s too nice (or is that what he wants us to think?). He suggested it was something a girl would do, to try to frame Dave Corkish, but maybe he’s just covering his tracks…

13. Hannah Trev (and housemates?) – It would make sense to leave a gift at your own house to throw off any suspicions. The girls can get a little hyper at times, so perhaps it boiled over to a Valentine’s prank.

If your name is on this list, come forward and defend yourself! If you are innocent, I apologise for suspecting you, but you just appeared dodgy in some way (for the reasons outlined above). If you are the guilty party and your name is not on this list, well done, you are playing a very good game! But, please, tell us who you are before we go crazy (don’t worry; we won’t hurt you…).

My Valentine's vegetable

2006-02-14T19:47:00.000Z

We (the 3 Cosmestons) were all secretly hoping that this would be the year when we got that elusive Valentines gift. To our surprise, we did receive something: not the bouquet of red roses that we were hoping for (actually tulips are my favourite, in case anyone wants to buy them for me), but a swede decorated as a dog with permanent marker! Along with this most interesting gift came a note, saying:

“Rheged the Rugged sends you his hound
Who speaks of his love with never a sound…
Will you requite it?”

You may recognise the name as a certain person’s web alias (we later found that this person actually had nothing to do with the gift). A contact number was also provided, allowing us to concoct an attempt at a witty reply.

“Hello Rheged the Rugged,
We have an inkling who you are.
We thank you for your veggie gift
Although it was bizarre!

Your hound was very lovely,
Its smell was most divine,
But we’re not so sure of how you smell,
So we think we must decline.

Your love for us must know no bounds,
To win our best affections
But we’re shocked to see that other girls
Are also your selections.

If you really love us, we will need more convincing!”

Shortly after we sent this message, we received a reply saying that they had played no part in it and had no idea what we were talking about. We still are not sure who is behind the gift, although I would like to have words with a certain co-president!
We can still live in hope of a genuine Valentine’s gift: although the day is almost over, there are still another 364 days in which you can make up for the lack of a gift (or risk the consequences!).

Mission and malady

2006-02-11T17:36:00.000Z

Don’t be put off by the length- it’s packed full of meaty goodness (sounds like a Pedigree Chum advert).

My housemates may have wished it upon me, but they never dreamt the day would come when I actually lost my voice. Now it has, I’m beginning to miss the days when I could laugh loudly, sing ‘indescribable’ repeatedly and shout abuse at the other 3 Cosmestons. To my dismay, after the first few days of mission week (see below) the hoarseness turned to a mere whisper, leaving me open to ridicule with no chance of defending myself (just wait until the voice returns!). You never fully appreciate how useful something is until it has gone and some activities become increasingly difficult when your voice is growing hoarse, as I have discovered in the past few days…
For example, leading a prayer meeting is great unless you happen to have a particularly rough voice, made ten times worse when the meeting is held at the crack of dawn. It has also been difficult to communicate at mission week events, particularly when a live band is playing in the background. Sign language is only useful when the people you are signing to actually know some sign language, but even if they do, the alphabet is about all I can manage, making it a very long process to explain even the simplest of ideas. Ordering drinks at the bar was equally tricky – just about managing to communicate ‘orange juice’; ‘a bottle of mineral water with lots of ice and lemon’ was another matter. A further problem has been in getting the attention of people from a distance. For example, when Becci was walking away from me, ignoring the potential consequences I shouted ‘Beckrum’ as loudly as I could. Unfortunately, the sound resembled an unidentifiable strangled animal and produced eruptions of laughter from everyone in the area.

Tomorrow, I am due to sing in the church band (at Gabalfa) which would be hilarious (but excruciating at the same time) for all those present except myself which is why I have decided to take a back seat this week. Some church folk are coming to our house for a games night in the evening, including the fun of taboo and mafia – great games, but I think most words will be taboo for me this weekend!

Mission week

This week (6th-10th Feb) Cardiff Uni Christian Union had their mission, based on John 10:10 (Jesus said “I have come that they may have life and have it to the full”). The week was awesome (a term heartily endorsed by James Purkis) and we had good turnouts to all of the events. Dick Dowsett spoke well at each event, explaining different aspects of life; the best part was when he did his funny upside-down smile (if you’ve seen him preach, you’ll know exactly what I mean). After our daily out-of-hours prayer meetings, we sent people out to do flyering, questionnaires or manning the CU table in the union.
In my opinion, one of the most encouraging aspects of the week was the way the CU stood united. It was great to see everyone so willing to volunteer for anything, to invite their friends and to pray for the events. We also had much needed help from the relay workers (Kerry Bower, Andrew Norbrey and Alison Joy Young – read about them on the UCCF website), our staff worker, Ben Carswell, the Swansea staff worker, Helydd (had to make up the spelling of her name) and Phil (Helen Rodda’s dad), who cooked delicious egg and bacon pie and gave us clotted cream!
It was great to see so many people coming to the events with genuine questions about Christianity, searching for Christ. Please pray for the follow-up ‘Christianity Explored’ course that Ben is running, along with Sara and Dave and that God would be working in the hearts of everyone who came along to the mission week events.

Expanding our horizons

2006-02-04T22:02:00.000Z

It is often useful to take a step back from the way you live your life and attempt to view things from a different perspective. In the Christian life this can help us to live more for Christ as we begin to see the big picture and live accordingly. Aside from spiritual gain, it can also be fun to seek new experiences, expand our horizons and improve our health. The 3 Cosmestons (including myself) have been exploring new ways to expend our energy.

1. The ‘challenge of the month’ is the new hot topic in our household. The current challenge is to drink the recommended 2 litres per day, noting our progress on a wall chart and receiving a star if we are successful. Measuring the volume of each of the variety of cups in our house was just the beginning of the fun.

2. Pursuing novel tastes from foreign cultures. For example, this evening we explored the Scottish delicacy of haggis. Contrary to popular belief, haggis does not contain any of the following: monkey eyeballs, pig trotters or squirrel tails.

3. Re-initiating previously unexploited words into circulation in general conversation. We couldn’t help but perambulate over our choices, but due to our callow nature, we felt we had to avail ourselves of the lexicon.

4. Recapturing our childhood. Now is the time to rediscover the precious crazes of our childhood generation! Last night, along with the Arrans, we revived the delight of ‘Buckaroo’! For those of you who have forgotten/never experienced this superb family game, it involves carefully loading small plastic items onto a donkey until it bucks; terrifying the faint hearted (i.e. Shumi) and causing everyone to scream. Apparently you’re also supposed to shout “Buckaroo” and the first person to do so is the winner; however, Liz and Becky refrained from informing the rest of us until after the first few rounds (we did wonder why they kept randomly shouting “Buckaroo”).

Flyering – what’s the worst…?

2006-01-28T22:44:00.000Z

After our theatrical masterpiece on Friday, entitled “How not to do flyering”, Caleb suggested considering possible worst-case scenarios that could occur whilst flyering. Aside from the likely prospects of spontaneous combustion or a nuclear winter that kills every living thing (somehow resulting from flyering – use your imagination!), many somewhat less devastating but equally distressing situations are possible. I will open the topic to public opinion:

What’s the worst that could happen whilst flyering?

Once you have considered the worst that could happen, you may wish to choose the seemingly less risky alternative of manning the CU stall in the union. But do not be fooled! The warm and welcoming façade of the union may conceal a more terrible worst-case scenario than flyering could possibly bring.

Upon considering the potential risks of flyering, do not be discouraged; the worst-case scenario could be the best thing for you: ‘Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, for this will develop perseverance’ (James 1:2, paraphrased) and, with prayer, the best-case scenario is considerably more likely.

Why are we friends?

2006-01-23T16:51:00.000Z

Has a good friend of yours ever questioned your friendship? ‘How hurtful’, you might suppose, but sometimes it can make you see the value of your friendship and explore new activities that you can both enjoy. This occurred just a few days ago when Beckrum and I sat down to have a little ‘chat’. “Why are we even friends?” she asked in her usual nagging tone. “We have nothing in common: I (Beckrum) like romantic comedy films, you like sci fi/thrillers; I like walking up exceedingly steep hills at a killer pace, you don’t; I like reading soppy ‘healing horses, healing hearts’ books, but you like reading good novels; I can’t talk properly or use grammar correctly (harsh but fair – and in her own words *almost*), whereas you can (except for this sentence!); I am from the grey metropolis (!) of Walsall, you are from the sunny, countryside of Devon; I am not the sharpest crayon in the box, whereas you have a superhuman mental capacity (that may not be exactly how she put it); I cry at the slightest soppy film/ soap opera event, you have unwavering emotional strength (well, I ought to put it into her own words: “you’re dead inside!”); I am always alert and tense, you take the time to relax when you need to; I am often sloppy, you prefer perfection; I would lose if I wrestled Bov’s hamster, you would most certainly win.” I think that’s about all I can recall from Beckrum’s lengthy monologue: I hope I did it justice.
After this hour of doubt, we decided to initiate a new activity that we would both enjoy. Given the lack of things we have in common, it was surprisingly simple to devise an appropriate task. I am a fairly crafty person (crafty in the sense of bits and bobs, not cunning, although Beckrum may wish to disagree with me after having read this post) and Beckrum also enjoys making things: something in common at last! Since we wanted a reason to avoid uni work and both of our housemates were away (i.e. Vickrum and Shumi), we decided upon making papier mache models of Vickrum and Shumi to demonstrate our intense admiration for them. I took on the task of creating Vickrum, whilst Beckrum made a Shumi statuette. The results are shown below.

Left is Vickrum, wearing her 'life' CU hoodie. As you can see, the hair is as wild as ever!
Right is Shumi, wearing her 'per una' top and lovely black shiny shoes. Looks like she hasn't quite got that thyroid problem sorted yet...

The power of Neighbours

2006-01-19T17:29:00.000Z

For those of us who want to learn from other people’s mistakes, watching Neighbours is the perfect pastime. Away from the repetitive storylines, the climax arrived this week when most of the neighbours were involved in a plane crash. Just a few minor nit-picks for the more observant among you:

1. There was a distinct lack of an impact event when the plane crashed into the sea (it was suddenly in the water).
2. It seems that virtually all of the characters somehow managed to swim out and survive, though the plane could not have landed smoothly.
3. Five minutes later, Connor is washed up onto a beach (though they were no doubt miles from the coast when they crashed – hmmm).

The irony is that Harold, the only one praying for his family (at the only time you ever see him pray although he claims to be a Christian) is unlucky enough to be the only one to lose his family. Maybe praying doesn’t work in the land of Neighbours.

If you are not a regular Neighbours viewer, I’m sorry to have bored you, but you are not a true student. For it is common knowledge that all students are drawn to the power of Neighbours (particularly at exam time).

The joy of the telephone

2006-01-16T19:42:00.000Z

I wonder whether Alexander Graham Bell ever imagined the delight that his invention would bring to so many immature students (or perhaps just to the Cosmeston girls!). The limitless applications of the telephone (and mobile) world offer never-ending enjoyment for those with enough of a procrastinating attitude to take it.

For example, just today we were thinking of the best ways to avoid doing work when suddenly we envisaged an unexplored pathway of the telephone network: the mobile to landline text service. ‘Rather dull’, some may consider, but these individuals are sadly misguided. To every landline we know, which unfortunately, due to the lack of excess cash the £4,000-a-year loan provides (hmmm…) is only a small number in Cardiff, we sent a most delightful message:

Hello, this is your telephone speaking. I am sad because you do not use me very often. So, why don’t you give someone a call? Let’s choose a random address, umm: 3 Cosmeston Street. Use me now please, from your loving telephone.

We did receive a few phone calls from the more gullible among you, so thank you- your calls have brightened up our day. If, having read this post, you are feeling rather unloved, knowing that you have a landline but did not receive one of these enviable messages, simply email me your number and you too will be remembered the next time we digress from our work.

The mystery of the appearing hit counter

2006-01-14T14:34:00.000Z

Why did another counter suddenly appear when the day before there was only one? I haven’t changed anything, yet it just keeps coming back!

Anyway, this blog entry no doubt looks incomprehensibly long. But, after much demand, our song from CU house party 2005 is finally here! It is a medley of well-known Christian songs and a laugh at various CU members. Pay particular attention to the last few lines (you’ll know why when you next see a certain someone).

(These are the days of Elijah)

This is a song about CU
Some people that make it unique
We hope that you don’t get offended by our
Blatant but lovable cheek!
So now let’s get on with this madness,
Before we start singing off-key:

(We believe in God the father)

Joy, she is our secretary; she is hyper-organised!
If you don’t do what she tells you,
She will shout and make you cry
Ben, he has a train obsession,
At least he knows good ways to pray
And his laugh, it is hilarious,
It might attract more girls to pray

(Oh Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder)

And Hannah Trev, she likes to drive the buses
Which are of the mini variety
And then Janet, she has an irish accent
And we think she's really marvellous

(Shine, Jesus, shine)

Hayley and Tim, fill this land with your ginger babies,
Liz eats all the food, Lav and Katie starve!
Becky Lamb, she knows all of the Christian speakers
And that concludes the numbers of Arran Street.

(Rejoice, rejoice, Christ is in you)

Jamie, Jamie, he was our housemate,
But the burping got too much.
Alas, alas, he had to leave us,
At least we get the TV back.

(Thine be the glory)

Ben is from up north, but we can forgive him that
He does lots of random book plugs, is he that well read?
Helps us with our CU meetings, or just gets in the way
He calls himself our staff worker, what does he do all day?

(Over all the earth)

Over the south-west she spreads her cream,
Making people eat lots of scones for tea,
But which brand are we singing about?
It’s Rodda’s clotted cream!

(Praise God from whom all blessings flow)

Watch out for James, he wants your cash;
His pink jumpers, they always clash,
And now will come our lovely host of relay workers:

(Blessing and honour)

Alison Joy Young, she’ll shake your left hand;
She works for RTSF.
And Andrew Norbury, which rhymes with strawberry,
Ben thinks he looks like a rat!

(Ding dong merrily)

Last it’s Kerry Louise Bower; she is the only sane one.
One co-president does law and comes to us from Kenya:
Mueni-Nyokabi, Tanya, Tabitha, Nduko, Ndumenya, Musyimi
(but we just call her Mueni)

(These are the days of Elijah (chorus))

From Bath he comes, walking very fast,
Leaving stuff behind everywhere he goes,
His name is Matt and he lives on Minny Street,
But now it’s time for our last victim:

(He is the Lord)

He is the co-president and he has long hair:
He is Ian.
He studies English and he wears loud shirts:
He is Ian.

(We wanna see Jesus lifted high)

We wanna see, we wanna see, we wanna see Ian shave his head!

We wanna see, we wanna see, we wanna see Ian dress it down,

We wanna see, we wanna see, we wanna see Ian shave his, Ian shave his, Ian shave his head!!!

You are not allowed to blame us for what happened next -you raised the money for it!

Day 2: the saga continues

2006-01-12T16:02:00.000Z

I think I need a little more originality in my titles, otherwise my audience may begin to drift slowly to sleep z z z

After having a rather entertaining driving lesson today, I began to wonder: what’s the worst that could happen in a driving lesson? Apart from the blatantly obvious i.e. crashing and killing Beckrum (an unintentional target of course), there is also the potential for a host of embarrassing moments!

An example is as follows (picture this is your mind’s eye):

It is your first lesson.
You are a nervous female student, silently fearful of becoming a driving reject.
The friendly male instructor greets you with a smile.
You start the car; all appears to be going well.
You drive steadily on, your confidence growing with every turn.
‘This is easy!’ you think, wondering why it was you were ever fearful.
It is now time to change the gears.
You reach over to grab the gear stick and feel something soft and warm in your palm.
With a shudder you realise that you are grasping the knee of the instructor!
Your face reaches an impossibly dark red.
‘That’s it.’ you at last see the reason for your fears.

Now, I will once again pose the question of the day for you to ponder over: What’s the worst that could happen in a driving lesson?

The blog of Smellon has finally arrived!!

2006-01-10T11:50:00.000Z

...And so begins the saga! I'm really not the pessimist I make out: 'What's the worst that could happen?' said in the right manner can drive even the most suicidal individual to the heights of optimism!
It would be at least mildly interesting to allow you all to answer the above question. But firstly, you need something to stimulate your imagination, so I have inserted a perfectly ordinary-looking photo below. The possibilities are endless, so let's see who can be the most creative (relieving me from the torture of microbial essay writing) and you may even receive a prize at the end of the month (or at least a mention in my blog, of equal value).

I wish to thank you for reading the blog of smellon today and anticipate many fruitful comments from the more imaginative among you.

Without further ado, here is the inspiration of the week:

What's the worst that could happen?

What makes a good blog entry?


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What is the best Valentine's gift?


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